.:.basketball n you make up my life.:.

2004-10-11T21:09:00.000+08:00

alright.
was just passing by.
din even have my d and t textbook for studying
poor me,
have to study d and t through internet.
haiz.
realli feel like giving up.

we are onli left one month to fight the war.
haiz.
i am confused actually.
i wonder if i wanna remain in my life now or life after the"war"
who knows?
everyone will be in their busy life again.
-sighz-
somehow i still hope that old friends can get together.

i still miss him.
i dunno why.
-sighz-

2004-09-21T13:50:00.000+08:00

Things have not been going well..
-sighz-
even lost track of the last time blogging.
my life just simply sux now..
everything din turn out to be expected..
wad i am doing now all day long was just study and study!
wtf~
haiz..
its hard to summaries wad've happen these few weeks..
but i have finally come to a decision between me and her.
i realli hope i will not regret although i know it may not be the best decison..
felt so bitch when i couldn help thinking of him these few nights..
haiz..
i'm so confused..
i hate my life!=x

2004-09-02T16:23:00.000+08:00

haiz..
i'm alone again..
had a bad stomach ache today.
but nobody cares.
nobody asked.
hardly anyone..-sighz-
i'm nobody in their eyes.
maybe someone whom hang around with them in school onli.
i'm always left out.
i'have resigned to fate..

thanks for those who are concern between me and her.
we are not getting that well..
we are just frm different world,
but hope things will get fine as time goes ba..
-shrugged-

gong,
dun be too sad le.
everything is fated..
u must be strong k..
-sighz-
hope things goes out fine for ya..

life is getting meaninless.
with no friends.
no money.
nthing.
i had lost sumthing..

2004-08-15T14:20:00.000+08:00

sui ran wo hui shang xin...

friday was a tough match.
unity against sr maraget.(nt sure of the spelling)
haiz.
who lost for around 10 pts.
everyone wasn on form.
even travern.
din know how to cheer her up..
haiz..
coach as damn angry and disappointed with them.
we were out in the semi finals.
everyone were feeling down..
crying..
sighz..
everything is over..
tears had dried up isn it?
realli hope they feel better now..
hope they do not blame each other..
hope they will get up from where they fall..
they still have such a long way to go..
arggg..
just hope everything will be fine..

2004-08-12T17:10:00.000+08:00

alright.
there were mani emotion today.
haiz.
i was glad that i could get my dream result.
but i am realli sad to see friends around me crying.
i realli do not want to hurt them by letting them more stress after knowing my result.
everyone was like,
din expect to get their own result.
haiz.
wad's happening..
i realli dunno should feel sad or happy..
just hope all those who going to retake can really get good grades..

whole body acheing..
think is cox of yesterday trainning ba!
but it was fun!;p
well,
now then i realise that being a coach is not an easy task as wad we think.
it's just soooo tiring can!
but i guess i enjoy it =X
good luck for tml match gers..!!~

2004-07-31T19:19:00.000+08:00

fuck.
still cant finish my d and t today..
haiz.
forget about it.
woke up early in the morning to make the shushi for the gers..
then went school for d and t..
skip my remedia which make selva very angry i think?
and ... she's calling my parents!!!
oh my god!
gotta explain lots to my parents i think..

she's really treating me very well..
ppl who are around me should know..
haiz.
i dunno ..
i think i'm startin to lurve her more and more..
i hope so.
but i realli dun wan to see her so stress..
suffering just becoze she wants to make me happy..
i dun need that..
i just want her to be happy..
realli.
i know she is trying very hard.
and i am here doing nthing..
i felt so bad.
haiz.
god bless her.
-amen-

2004-07-28T18:58:00.000+08:00

thanks for u guys concern.
i lurve u all too~!
well,
com had been down for quite a while..
that's why nv get to update my blog lar..
got a lot to say..
to everyone around me..
but realli dunno where to start..

[michelle(x2),ruyi,ruth,xinyue,chuting and gang..]
sorry that i had not been spenting time with u all..
although i know i am not in u all group all the while.
i mean at least i did spent the time like eating during lunch break with u all,
haiz..
i dunno wad to say.
maybe its my fault that i spent all my time with the basketball players nowadays.
ii'm really sorry.
maybe u all will feel that i don have the need to apologise..
but i still hope i can be part of u all group at least in school yar?

[michelle]
know u had been feeling good although most ppl thought u were so happy nowadays.
haiz..
i had the feeling to talk to you long ago..
but i know if u feel like saying..
u will say de rite?
maybe we are not really that close lar..
so i dun realli dare to ask whethe u have any problems..
but just hope u do take care
and find mi if u have any problems k?

[gong]
i understand things are realli hard on you nowadays.
i know i should sumtimes try to understand you..
sorry for my unreasonable sumtimes..
haiz..
i'm just too stress out i think?
sorry..

alright..
finally i 'm back!!
everything was as usual.
onli a bit stress out in studies..
but become more and more lazy each day..
argggg..
nvm..
got her support..
i will do my best?
maybe ba..
hahaz..
hope everyone is doing well..
good luck guys!!

2004-07-19T17:24:00.000+08:00

everything seem to change so fast.
so fast
that i myself couldn believe it.
haiz.
i hate myself.
for begin so harsh.
for begin so selfish.
i dunno whether this is the kind of life i want.
i found her.
i felt happy with her.
this is my first time.
i hate ppl talking around me,
esp my friends.
friends that hang around me everyday.
-sighz-
i really have no idea of wad to do.
this is my first time,
so does she.
i din know she will become so serious.
she is really serious.
did i spoilt her life?
i din want to.
i realli dunno wad's in my mind now.
haiz.
just hope she'll play well in her cuming matches...

2004-07-15T18:46:00.000+08:00

everything seem wrong today.
i was..
so left out.
-sighz-
nobody knows.
nobody care.
went to d and t early then.
maybe i just dun belong to their group?
even mich can be with them le.
we are not the small group anymore.
this group is realli big now.
haiz.
i knew it.
i knew one day i have to leave that group
although i din wan to.
but,
its like..
arggg..
dun wanna mention it.
gong,
now u see wad i mean le ma?
today suxs.
hope tml will be better.
oh yar,
dentist tml!!
-god bless-

2004-07-12T21:01:00.000+08:00

cried yesterday nite.
for no reason.
stupid rite?
-sighz-
told u guys i couldn watch any love drama.
i'm just getting too emotional.
thought of him make mi feel so terrible.
couldn explain to him even though i know he misunderstood me.
wad kind of world is this!
haiz..
just find myself at a loss end..
hate rains.
hate raining at nite.
makes mi feel so cold,
so lonely.
maybe u all wun believe wad i said.
but i am truely a loner.
i dun like to cry for no reason,
but i have no choice..
there is just sumthing..
sumthing i cant put down.
i realli dunno.
friends are driftin apart frm me.
the world is drifting apart frm me.
everything are.
where is myself.
i dunno.
is the kind of life i am leading now
the kind of life i wanted?
the life i longed for?
wad i want actually..?
-sigh-

2004-07-10T22:58:00.000+08:00

[ xf ]

ok.
i dunno u will believe me not for the rest of my message.
but i just hope u will read on.

put yrself in my shoe,
will u believe the guy who question me just now is not helping you?
thought everything is like fading as time pass..
but wad happen today ruin everything.
ya,
i mention in front of him that i hack care about this thing le.
wad do u wan mi to say then,
"oh yar, we are friends le"
do u know how i felt when i hear what he question me?
i felt so fcuking angry and ...
sort of disappointing that u will actually call him down.
u told karis u din call him.
how u wan mi to believe you then?
as for the scolding my parents things,
if u believe wad those ppl told you,
then go ahead.
wad's the point of explaining then.
maybe this thing will make u feel that wad johnson told u in the past is real,
i mean my character.
like those who will anyhow spread rumours and make things worst.

u told karis becuase of the "kp" word u scold me,
i make u couldn even go down to lot one.
please..
its not onli that thing.
i told u before go think yrself wad u have said and done after that icident.
there is always sumthing that one couldn say.

ok,
lets get to the point that concern mi more.
i know wad johnson told you.
he dun believe me,
he still think that wad alex told him was real.
its disappointing to know that after all this time we have spent together as friend,
u still dun trust mi.
u rather believe alex.
i still dun understand why he trust alex so much.
and same goes for you.
maybe all these while,
i could not give u all a realli reliable friendship.
but why wouldn u all confront me?
why dun johnson confront me and believe alex straight away?
it's being unfair to me obviouly.
after all these things,
i know its impossible for our friendship to be as close as the past,
same for johnson,
which u know i treausure his frenship lots.
then why are u doing all this to me?
i really dunno wad u wan.
i have alreadly enough misunderstanding with johnson in the past.
why are you adding oil to fuel?
u haven even confirm everything yet just tell him everything.
for the rumours u heard that i told others u scold my parents,
i now clear that i din say that " I DIN SAY THAT" .
its really up to you to believe or not.
haiz,
i realli dunno wad i can do to confront alex and ask him why would he wan to say that to johnson.
u should know the reason why i din wan to confront him in the past.
alright,
i guess i have clear yr doubts and explain everything as far as i know wad u wanna know.
i dun wish to say anything more,
as i am afriad things will get worst.

2004-07-08T20:24:00.000+08:00

another sad day..

[Ben Dan]
just read yr newly update friendster profile.
frm wad u have say to yr ex in yr profile,
it seem to me that u and her were not together le.
i felt so confused.
REALLY.
dunno why feel like shedding out of a sudden.
i dunno how to say out how i feel..
frm wad u say in yr profile,
it seem like u realli lurve her more than i imagine.
wad r u actually thinking..?
how much do u realli lurve her?
"a promise is a promise"
then wad did u once promise me?
dun u remember?
maybe u still lurve her.
i dunno wad happen.
but i just felt so
so confused.
yeah,
maybe i am jealous.
i wanna add you each time i pass by yr friendster page.
but can i?
you mention u hate ppl who break promises,
u hate ppl who backstabbed..
it seems like i am the one u hate.
i admit i did break sum promise when i was with you last time,
who can keep all of his or her promise?
can you?
but i realli din backstab you.
i din.

2004-07-04T18:23:00.000+08:00

ha.
look like i am blogging once every 2 days huh?
yesterday watch the jian gui 2 till soooo late..
haaz,
okok.
i admit i watch till half onli.
it is not BORING.
just..
TOO SCARY for mi!!
no lies ppl.
it's really a good show.
remember i watch the jian gui 2 at the cinema.
with 527, fu, gong, de chen, and him.
our planned seated got ruin in the end.
-shrugged-
watch till around 12 plus
was into my dreamland straightaway after tt.

today was another nice day,
although nv get to buy the sports bra that i longed for.
arg, wadever.
went watch the best bet with daddy and brother.
the show was shoooo lame can!
almost half the show is in hokkien.
still alright la,
i mean understanding the show.
lolz.
its not my money anyway.
bought 2 shirt and head home.
tt's all for today and yesterday
and that's my life!

2004-07-02T18:24:00.000+08:00

forheaven sake!!
just finish watching the c gers match.
they rawks can!!
they won AES today? great isn it?
lolz.
i was like..
soooooo..
sad.
coze i guess i couldn haven the chance to play at there anymore.
oh yar,
din update my blog these few days
coze was busy la.
real busy.
today's match still can la,
even if we out our reserve down
they're still scoring continuouly!
ok.
wanna share with u all the prebious match which
falls on wed.
oooh..
u all din know,
it was such a terrified match!!
we lost by 3 points can!
3 pointttt..
during the last quarter.
last MINTUE!
WTF.
our dear players were just too
too..
TIRED.
espcially see yah!
our radio can.
hahaz,
she look so shuai when playing bball.
i mean onli when she look serious.
lolz.
she is great.
i swear.
almost fell in lurve with her.
din know she can play tt well.
hehez..
poor her,
she fall again and again.
haha.
fuck to all JURONG PLAYERS.
hahaz.
nice match la..
hope our C GERS CAN SEE YA ON COURT DURING FINALS!!
yeah,
hope they get to win the rest of the matches.
good luck gers~!
and pleasesss..
take care of ya body.
the team needs them.
lolz~~!

tml gotta o level listening le.
nervous?
na.
not realli.
matybe its still early la.
anyway,
wish mi good luck,
and everyone too.
MuAcK**

[Ben Dan]
heard yr laughter yesterday.
u din know of coze.
i heard it over the phone when i am toking to shun.
u sound happy.
i'm realli glad for ya.
-smilez-
were just too stress to think about our things recently.
it's alright as long as u r happy everyday.
going to be more busy in the week i guess.
will u contact me again?
i have no more mood or time to play basketball,
unless u call..

2004-06-30T00:07:00.000+08:00

MmmmmMmm..
it has been so long since i blog le.
have been stressing these few days.
arGgGGg..
anyway,
finally finish the 3 period of d and t lesson today!
PheW~!
just like karis say,
maybe it isn that hard as i think to be.
ahaz.
change my project.
lolz.
NO TECHNOLOGY AT ALL!
sure score badly de.
heez.
who cares.
they should be happy that i handed in yeah?
got back my science result.
FUCK.
my phyics onli got 50 plus.
which pull my chem down like shit!
guess wad?
hahaz,
i got a A2 for my chem!
not bad eh?
i studied very hard wor.
okok.
wadever it is.
hahaz,
just got to work hard now.
tml gotta skip my maths lesson.
to watch c ger tourment!
hmm,
think against jurong if i am not wrong.
should be a tough match ?
anyway,
just jia you!
oh ya,
dunno when is my stupid Msn is working..
my life is like a boring shit without it man!
lost contact with sooo mani ppl there..
-shrugged-

2004-06-26T17:12:00.000+08:00

Just came back frm steffy hse.
lolz.
end up staying at her hse yesterday.
Din manage to come online and blog also.
Nthin much happen la.
but realli enjoy myself yesterday.
haha.
with ppl like steffy,siyah,gong,xiaofan,ky,jess.
dun enjoy also cannot arh.
anyway,
wanna apologise that i wasn in a very good mood when i first came.
i mean when i first reach school.
haiz.
coze of some personal problems la.
can see u all are all concern but dun dare approach mi.
lolz.
thanks guys~!
was playing,eating all the time.
oh yar,
steffy's room was great!
It was like
so comfortable can!
haha.
6 of us squeeze in a room dunno like wad sia.
lolz.
But really sad to admit this may be the last time liao.
sighz.
school opening next week le,
so fast yeah?
gotta stress with my d and t again.
....

[Ben Dan]
haven been blogging these 2 days.
sorrie.
was kinda busy.
i miss you.
i dunno why memories keep on floating on my mind yesterday.
on bus,
while i was walkin,
at bus stop
play ground..
well,
perhaps coze it was around yew tee area ba.
could control myself not to.
school opening soon,
maybe i wun have the time to ask you play bball anymore.
haiz.
i would love to u know?
but even if i have the time of the world,
would u still treat me as yr friend
and continue to play bball with mi like last time?
i hope so yeah?
alright,
gotta rest first.
so tired..

2004-06-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

Life's hard..

MmmMmmMmm...
attend my usual bball trainning this mornin.
one more week and there will no more trainning for me.
argGggG..
Fcukin O levels.
Hmm,
not intending to go for any suckin hair treatment anymore.
Its onli a waste of money anyway.
lolz.
Mum promise to let mi straighten my hair when it grows longer.
heez.
So,
now i do have an extra cash eh?
Going shop for sum clothin or bra this cumin weekends.
-grinned-
Anyone wanna go gym or play bball tml?
for me,
no sports
no LIFE!
had been slackin these few days..
gotta buck up with my studies le.
school reopenin soon~!!

[Ben Dan]
I am here tellin you how i am doing everyday.
How about you?
R u happy with yr life now?
Playin basketball everyday as usual?
How you and yr gf?
Is she as naughty like how u tell mi last time?
well,
hope everything is going well for ya.
i couldn do anythin but pray now.
I have decided.
decided to leave you alone for some time.
maybe a year.
maybe a month.
i dunno.
I wouldn promise anything.
I guess onli time will prove everything.
time
will show u more about ppl and things happen around you.
allow both of us to know more about wad actually love means.
i would still be writing to you everyday
to show you how i am doing all this while,
to tell you wad i wanna tell when i miss you.
Maybe my feeling for you will fade after one year
one month,
but in my heart,
u are always the first.
gd nite.

2004-06-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

DrEAm WiTh Me...

Actually sumtimes i hope i am dreaming everyday.
I hope i am nv in this real world..
FacIng all the fcukin problems and things.
Just came back..
was with gong,claud,ruth just now..
anyway claud and gong stayin at my hse tonight.
with lots of place.
like market to eat,
playground,
void deck,
LRt(riding around for fun),
and back to my hse.
I fag.
I tried not to.
but cant control.
Sighz.
Nthing intertesing happen anyway.
just get to know everyone had their own problems.
just din have the mood to know so much about it.
Sorry guys.

[Ben Dan]
Its the third day i am writing to you.
I have so much to say..
But i wonder if u did look through my blog.
I've think through.
Its no use telling how much i lurve you now..
Its no use scolding you now..
Now we had come to this situation,
and i dun even know wad kind of impression i left in yr heart.
I am sure it isn as perfect as i am in the past..
i wanted to be perfect in yr heart.
But u nv give mi the chance.
NOT AT ALL.
U always tell mi its embrassing,
or u dun wan to care anymore.
Its so unfair.
Even if i care to explain now,
will u trust mi again?
will we be like the past?

Nv thought that lurving you was so difficult.
Even losing you was as hard.
U r my first.
U teach mi wad is lurve.
U r the first who hug mi so tightly that i lost my soul.
U r the first who give mi hope in lurve.
U r the first whom i was so crazy over.
U r the first whom i miss so much.
U r the first who make mi lost myself.
And u r the first who make me feel like givin up everything just to be with you.
If u feel that i am a fool to think of all this,
i apologise.
Honestly,
i din know how long can i get on with this kind of blogging,
telling you how i feel each day.
U r so near to me sumtimes that i can hear yr panting,
yr breathing,
yr sweat..
but deep down,
when i realise how far we are..
my heart ache.
Din even know if we are still friends..
Dun u treasure our friendship?
just purely friendship?
i hope u do.
I was thinkin ways and ways everyday to make u trust mi again.
NO.
NOT AGAIN.
I DIN DO ANYTHING WRONG.
IT IS ALL MISUNDERSTANDING.
Maybe there'll be a day.
there'll be a day when u think through everything,
seen through "ppl"'s true colours that backstabbed me.
I'be praying.
Fate wun allow us to end like this.
Trust me.

2004-06-22T02:27:00.000+08:00

DrEaMs...

another lonely nite.
hear nthin but my own breathin.
Its a long time since i had a good laugh.
A really good one.
My life change so much..
so much that i nv realise..

[Ben Dan]
i'll be bloggin everyday,
Even there is 0.001% chance u'll be going to see my blog,
i would try.
Maybe this will be the only way i can finish wad i wanna say
all these while..
maybe u would not like a gal like me.
so foolish..
so crybaby..-sigh-

I admit i did want sumthing in return after i did so much for u.
who dun wan to be loved by his or her loved one..
I'm not so noble as to let you go when u know how much i lurve u.
I hope u can be happy,
but i wish u could be happier when ur with me..
Love is a kind of fate.
Its fate we could have the chance to be together once..
therefore,
i always tell myself not to give up this fate.
stubborn i know.
but..
That's me.
I dunno if i am really that willing to change for another guy
in the future..
i had always wanted to be myself.
but whenever i am with you,
cant u feel..
cant u feel my heartbeat..?
only with you,
i will try to be my very best.
only with you,
i'll try to be perfect.
only with you,
my heart would race faster than anyone.
Dun u feel anything?
tt's the question i always want to ask..

I have millions and millions of question all these years..
why hurt mi and then leave mi?
why promise to love mi forever when u know u cant?
why dun u trust me?
wad actually make you to distrust mi so much?
do u know how much i suffered all these years?
have you ever miss mi?
have you ever loved mi?
do you know i'm still waiting?
do u know how i feel every night?
have u ever lurve someone like how i lurve you?
......
i can have endless of questions.
But
wad's the use..
i come to know wad 's love after all this.
There tends to be different defination of lurve in each heart.
Its useless to ask question that nobody is going to answer
isn it?
But i would really like to know if u would stay by me till my last breath if i am really going one day..
going to another world..
another world that i wouldn shed anymore.
That would realli be my last and onli question..

i've always been praying,
praying hard to find another guy..
another guy that would really replace you in my heart.
But u know,
each time i have this chance to get along with any guys..
i would think of you.
This is not my fault k..
I realli hope to put down the past,
and find my happiness.
But i come to know that
u r actually the only one who can bring mi happiness..
u r the only one who can makes my heart race,
u r the only one who can makes me blush,
u r the only one who can make mi look like a fool,
and u r the only one who can make me want to be a gal.
A perfect gal in your heart..
If i can only be in yr arms again only in dreams,
i would never want to wake up again..
I swear.

2004-06-22T00:43:00.000+08:00

If tears could wash away everything..

hey,
got myself a new blogskin.
nice eh?
er..
but think sumthing wrong with the links la.
haha.
wadever.=x
broke my record and wake up around 3 plus today.
dun feel like wakin up actually.
slack in bed,
refusing to open my eyes..
-sighz-
din slept well the previous nite.
stay up till 6 plus in the morning..
haiz..
next week will be starting school again.
wad the fuck.
haven enjoy enough eh.
but no choice la.
sure not used to the time scheldule de.;p
had to wake up at 6am.
6AM CAN!
-shrugged-
nvm.
enjoy myself this week first.
bleah.;p

2004-06-21T03:14:00.000+08:00

Loving you was a mistake but it is the best mistake i have ever make..

.....

had the feeling that he will have the account in friendster.
was browsing throught xf page.
saw him.
HIM.
....
was like so surprise..
getting excited and both sad as well.
glad that i could know how he is getting on in the future.
glad that i could try to message him and stay in contact.
gald that there will be another way for him to remember me..
-sigh-
had the urge to add him of coze.
but i cant.
something,
or someone is obstructin me.
maybe i think too much.
but i am realli not prepared to be hurt anymore.
i am afraid of rejection.
wad if he dun reply?
wad if he dun acccept?
if the account open by him?
will he be the one checking through.
i hope he is.
but i realli couldn make myself to think he is not the one.
haiz.
never thought tt lovin him could be so hard..
cant even have the courage to add him in friendster.
see how useless i am.
i've realli lose all my confident.
his profile
his pic
his about me
his interest
his fav movies..
blah blah blah..
everything,
make mi lose myself.
He's my everything,
losing him is like losing myself.
haiz..
had think of telling him wad i am thinking all this while.
wanted to tell him to trust me,
to give mi one more chance to explain.
I din have the courage,
the confident.
I cant.
we just have too mani misunderstanding.
why is lord playing such a trick on us.
on me more i guess.
asking him by my side again can onli be a dream.
but i do hope he could have trusted me more in the first place.

[him]
(since now u have the chance to comeonline, i'm not afriad to let u know how i feel)

a blog is not enough to tell u how i feel.
not enough to tell you wad i wanted to tell u these years.
not enough to explain to you every misunderstanding.
not enough to scold you for how u have hurt me.
not enough to tell you how much i miss you.
not enough to tell you how much i love you..
Its just a blog.
where i can realli say how i am feeling.
I nv longed to be back with you,
by yr side like the past.
can i?
haiz.
wad i wanna say is very straightforward.
"just trust me"
3 words.
simple isn it?
i know u cant.
just becoze too mani misunderstanding betweens us.
i'm not afriad to let u know my feeling now.
remember the last time u ask me when u found out i haven gave up.
it was after our breakup,long time ago.
"ni xi xuan wo dua jiu liao"
"wo cong liao dou mei you fang qi guo ni."
my ans now will still be the same.
i know i am not the one for you.
i know we are frm different worlds.
u can choose not to love mi.
u can choose to ignore me.
u can choose to dislike me.
but u cannot choose to control my feeling.
i lurve you,
i cant control it too.
It realli hurts when i know u dun trust mi each time.
i dunno wad makes it so diffcult for u to do tt.
u have friends tt may tell u things that i do and i wouldn like.
why cant u be fairer and find out the truth?
confront me?
WHY?
u choose to trust them
u choose to give up on mi.
u choose not to trust mi frm the start.
tt makes you not to trust mi anymore.
u r the one begin unfair in the first place.
things are not getting better now.
u should know wad i am toking about.
i hope u could trust me.
i can have all my time explaining to you.
to wadever thing u r unhappi with me.
to wadever rubbish u heard.
the choice is yrs.

2004-06-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

u teach mi how to lurve but not how to stop...

FUCK.
today met with one bloody pervert!
damn fcukin sway.
arggggg!!
seated beside me somemore!
wad the fuck.
leg open till so big wan to FUCK ar!
make mi SHHooooo uncomfortable..
hand keep movin towards me like nobody business.
tmd!
in PUBLIC
in BUS CAN?
phew..
i was lucky to change my seat fast.
was sitting beside karis then.
then u know wad?!
the bloody fcukin fellow keep on turning around dunno for wad!
think he around the age of 30 plus ba.
he think he still young arh!
ps la..
fuckin indian chee bye kia.
now guys,
the more exciting past is comin.
Guess wad?!!?
He start MASTERBATING!!!
my godness..
although this is not the first time i saw la.
but he just sucks lor.
really feel like giving him a realli big slap.
fuckin creature!!
later on,
they saw him unzipping his zip.
eh,
dunno is he nv zip at all or wad la.
wadever.
okok.
enough of this.
feel like vomitting liao.
things are realli not getting very good for me nowadays.
-Shrugged-
gotta get on with my hsework.
tok later.
Oh yar,
wanna give a curse to that bloody fellow in the bus just now.
hope his fcukin "bird" will fly away for good!
wahahahah~!
i know i'm bad.
but he is worst.
lolz.~

2004-06-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

I dropped a tear in e ocean..when the time u find it, it will be the day i stopped luving you..

where should i start.
well,
guess all my tears had alreadly dried up.
Its really a good time for a good talk.
suppose to be happy today,
having trainning in the morning,
playin bball with him and friends in the nite.
but everything went wrong.
EVERYTHIN.
i wouldn even dream they would be so close.
i knew sumthing would happen.
i knew he would hear sumthing.
i knew he will hate me.
this is not the first time.
i hate myself,
being so
useless.
i couldn do anything to gain back his trust.
tears is the onli"friends" i can find.
onli friend that can understand me.
-sighz-

It's a long time i ever feel this kind of pain.
It's a long time since he last hurt mi deeply.
It's a long time i ever cried so hard for him.
It's a long time he ever been so cold to me.
It's a long time since he last smile and look into my eyes.
It's really a long time.
It all happen today.
TODAY CAN!
20/6/2004
His eyes were so cold,
His voice was so cold,
His smile,
everything.
This time i nv think too much.
It's the fact.
I'm not the only one who can feel it.
everyone do.
Things are getting wrong frm the start,
am i the one who is to be blame for the cause of all this?
did i do sumthing wrong that lord had to treat mi like this?
NO!
U R UNFAIR.
why am i always the one to be suffering,
dun even have the single chance to explain.
do u know the feeling of being hate or dislike by the guy u love so much?
OR maybe the guy u going to lurve most in yr life.
History is just repeating,
and my nightmare just come over and over again.
Look guys,
u have seen today..
everything turn out to be wad i thought,
isn it?
I am not wrong to think.

[lord]
is there any ways to wash away the memories in the past?
some may feel its stupid.
i felt so at first,
but not now.
the show prove sumthing:
some ppl is fated to lose their memories and start their life afresh.
isn it a better choice for ppl who is suffering now?
i dunno whethe i will be happi after forgetting the past.
maybe.
yar.
nobody knows.
I believe there is a reason behind why lord wanted sum ppl to lose their memories.
can i have a choice?
i cant.
haiz.
how can u bear to see mi suffering like tt!
he hurt me when playin basketball,
but his expression was like
DUN-CARE!
wtf.
i was hurt,
so?
big deal.
haa.
wad a joke.
i dun have a choice.
in everything that happen today.
tml or in the future.
i dun have any plans.
too tired to think.
just wan to be alone..

2004-06-19T01:49:00.000+08:00

Our love is meant to be the love to last forever..

-stressed-
decided not to think about the stupid d and t le.
waste my time.
argggg...
but honestly lar,
cannot dun care a bit lar,
coze it's o level somehow ma.
went to Hou Gang again.
yar,
they won!
well,
i'm happy for him,
although he din play?
-shrugged-

Yeah he saw mi i guess.
but we din manage to have even an eye contact.
NOT AT ALL CAN!
haiz..
hope at least he appreciate i was there.
cried a bit in MRT on e way there.
stupid i know.
but i just cant put down everything.
din wanna repeat all those i said yesterday.
but the feeling is back.
i know it is not a good thing,
everyone know.
-sighz-
is everything over between us just coze of the idoit xf?
hope not.
or it's like i think too much?
i just cant bring myself not to think.
who can.?
cant control myself..
my tears..
my emotion..
everything.
AND the fact is,
he dun trust me.
CAN SOMEONE PS TELL ME
WAD DID I DO TO LET HIM LOSE TRUST IN ME?
i lurve him.
i do everything just to make him happi,
why does he choose to believe someone..
that he din even know for a month rather than me?
why he choose to believe others?
why???
gods know.
SO CAN "U" PLEASE ANS MI?
after all misunderstanding,
i can feel tt his trust towards me become less than 40%.
is this wad i get in return?
i dun believe.
i dun wan to.
lord,
i am trying to be good.
i am trying realli very hard.
u should know better than anyone.
i hardly fags.
i dun drink.
i tried to obey wad daddy and mummy say.
i even study.
i do everything just to be good.
but i got nthin good in return.

sumtimes,
i hope i can get some sort of illness,(choy)
just to see the real world of mine.
just to see whethe there is true friends around,
which i beileve there would.
i knew there will.
if i were onli left for a month's or a week time..
who will be the one beside me,
accompany mi to the last moment of my life.
can i just imagine?
i hope he will be the one.
i dun care whethe he lurve mi not.
i dun care whethe he still have his wadever gf outside.
i dun care.
i would realli realli like to know,
whethe he would fufilled my last wish.
accompany me till the last sec of my life..
i hope he still have the heart.
-sighz-
this could be just a dream.
it would be enough for me.
realli.
i lurve you
and i always will.

2004-06-18T15:24:00.000+08:00

thought i've all forgotten..

gosh..
snow angel was nice!=x
remember?
the drama that i mention here the other time.
wah..
i was onli at dise 12..
but it was so touchin alreadly.
-sighz-
the way they look at each other..
the way they loved each other..
haiz..
nv gotta appear in my real life.
i lurve their determination to be together,
sad to say,
in reali life of mine,
guess i am the only one who is tt determine.
thought i can pull through and give up after all these.
i was wrong.
ALL wrong.
everything was like
the past.
The time in my dic is like turing backwards..
i fell more deeply with him.
like before,
or even more.
-sighz-
memories was just floatin in my mind throughout the whole nite.
songs, music..
his voice
his laughter
his smile
his smell
everything.
He's my everything.
like ppl say,
we may take a few min to fall in lurve,
but a lifetime to forget.
i dun wan tt to happen to me either.
-cried-

[lord]
i love him,
more than anything
anyone.
i dun have to say,
u knew it all along.
we have been part for years..
but my lurve for him is like ..
is like..
i had nv love anyone else before.
he din reply my msg yesterday.
i knew it.
shouldn be tt upset.
havin him back by my side is just like a dream.
lord,
i nv wish for that anymore.
u should be fair to everyone.
i'll promise i 'll good..
if someone could take his place..
i'll realli be good...
-Amen-

2004-06-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

i have always love you from a distance
coze its the only the way
i could love you without hurting myself.
I get trapped in my own sad world where fools belief dat dreams cum true,but in reality I'll always be de gal u nv knw.
i cant tolerate he din luv me dat much..
i cant tolerate him having other dreams..
even thou he lied,
it shows he cared abt my feelings.
i cant tolerate de emptiness in his eyes.
but i cnt bear 2 see,
after doin so much 4 him..
its's she hu gets de gentleness dat shld haf been mine..
and she is the one hu sees de smile i had nv seen b4..

2004-06-17T00:14:00.000+08:00

Anyone know Ou De Yang???

hey,
his song is damn nice!!!;x
Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu.
is just...
damn damn damn damn damn fcukin nice!
no lies.
dun listen and u'll regret.
hahaz.
finally found the third song i have feeling with le.
maybe it's coze of the title?
Gu Dan...
lonely..
well,
the song is a bit sad indeed.
i can say,
a bit lonely ba.
tt's why i have the feeling towards this song.
i just love it.
a lot!;p
it is sang by Ou De Yang,
or whoever lar.
just thanks him for singing it.
so,
everyone dun miss this nice song okeyyyy!!!;)

nitez humans!
*jiayan listen to the songs as she fall alsleep..

2004-06-16T01:53:00.000+08:00

i'll nv forget the day i love you..

another lonely nite.
-shrugged-
just finish with my chemistry.
onli revising on tt sub for the whole hoilday.
it's alreadly 2 am,
gotta wake up 8 tml for trainning.
-yawnz-
dun feel like slping yet.
haven got my pocket money for this week.
-broke liao-
guess mi and her okie le,
still haven reply the letter..
no mood lar.
but realli have lots to explain.
stupid chew nv reply my message.
fuck.
also dunno when must go back for lesson liao.
bias creature!
onli msg yx and remind her.
WAD ABOUT US THEN?
dun need study lar!
-haiz-
look like the whole world own mi sumthing.

not in good mood anyway.
had always not in good mood at nite.
so wad?
who cares..
haiz..
if onli we could be like the past..
i wouldn request other things..
i just wan the promise u made to come true..
sumtimes,
i wonder.
how well if tears could wash away our pain..
wash away the memories..
everything.

i'll promise to be good..

2004-06-15T01:36:00.000+08:00

life is damn boring...

well,
the earth is still turning..
nothing usual happen.
acc gong cut her/his hair just now.
have no idea of her gender now.
hahaz.
-ShRuG-
msn not working these few days.
make my life more borrrriiinnnngg..
hahaz,
finally.
our dear michelle stays at home to study,
coool rite?
finally come to yr sense liao arh?
lolz..
it's my turn to slack le..
hehe..
taking areobic and yoga course frm next month?
hope can lose sum weight lar..
hahaz..
haven sign up though.

din went for the last 2 d and t lesson.
...
okok,
lazy lar!
hahaz..
gotta flung it anyway.
anyone wanna help?=x
dun even know where to start!
haiz.
wadever.

no news frm him.
does it means good news?
sumtimes i hope i rather din hear anything,
or din know anything..
he lost the match on sat.
heard tt he was quite upset about it.
haiz.
my heart hurts.
but who knows?
sometimes i realli feel like giving him a big hug,
telling him i will always behind him,
supporting him..
not supporting him ,without his knowing.
i hope he know,
somewhere under the moon,
i'll always be there ..
din expect him to reply when i send him the message,
u think i am not upset?
i'm just consoling myself..
haiz..
all my friends thinks i am just wasting my time,
think i am stupid.
nobody understands me.
how i feel.
nobody understand the pain..
even my 2 closest pal.
i'm not blaming them, dun worry.
just feeling lonely..

ben dan,i lurve you.I tried to give up mani times..
but it seem u are the onli one appearing in my dream always..

2004-06-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

thought my tears had wash away everythin..
but i guess i was wrong.

suppose to be a happy day,
went for POA lesson,
trainning, causeway..
finally
watch match!
AwWw..!
NAM SOON lead for the first 2 quarter!
cool right?
yeah..
saw him..
wonder if his smile did make mi melt..
ahahz..
saw tt fcukin person with him.
fuck.
spoilt my mood.
haiz.
draw in the 3rd quarter
and finally ..
lose 8 points in the last.
-sighz-
it was realli a tough match.
hope he know i am there supporting him.
haiz..
din have the mood to watch other matches later on.

everything seem so complete..
when i saw the smile in his face..
i guess i melted when i see his smile.
he remains like himself in
the past and present.
i still lurve him.
-sighz-
sumthing is realli bothering me.
but i dunno how to start.
it's all about him i'm worrying..
i can't let go..
sorrie guys..
i let u all down again..
he's like..
the kind of fire,
which can melt my heart easily..
which no one would ever do.

2004-06-06T13:35:00.000+08:00

things are realli getting out of hand.
u r such a FcUkIN coward.
ps lar,
ps admit wad u had say or done,
i treat ya as my fren and tt's why i dun wan to pursue this matter anymore.
BUT u the FcUkIn one who force mi into dis.
yar, i told my brother about this.
so wad?
u din even wan to admit tt it is yr fault and u wan mi to let this matter off?
FuCk oFf La..
go and think through wad u have done and said about this matter and my brother,
i am not unreasonable.
Dun act as if u have such a BiG fCkIn ppl to backup,
and sms ppl to warn mi or wadever.
since tt is the case,
then why r u still so coward?
ask yr fren to call mi and ask mi to let this mattter rest.
HAHA!
WAD A JOKE!
come on lar,
if u r a man,
ps face the realitly and settle yrself,
not asking sumone to call mi or my brother..
it's yr own bloody fault which make up things to becum like tt.
SO DUN BLAME ME.
when i am too kind towards ya,u r the one who dun treasure it,
and say things as if i am soooo SCARE..
as a fren,
i am so disspointed in you
that i got nthin to say about our friendship.
i have once trusted you so much,
but wad happen today will definetly end our friendship sooner or later.
yar, this is just a small and childish matter,
tt coze of u scoldin mi out of nthing bla bla,
(and u think is a joke to me)
causes things like this to happen today..
i can onli say its yr own bloody character and attitude which made up to this.
u should bloody know tt i am not the onli one
whom realli detest yr FCuKiN behaviour now..
and by the way,
no point saying sorrie when u dun think u r not in the wrong.

[gong]
it has been realli a damn long time tt we haven go out.
-sigh-
u are forever so FcUkIn busy with yr frens..
if not,
yr work.
if not again,
u r just damn tired.
haiz..
how do u expect me to ask you out?
like yesterday,
i was so happi tt could finally have to time to go out with ya.
but u end up so tired that i realli dunno how to ask u out.
so i ask u go slp first lor.
haiz.
u overslept and we din manage to meet again.
u should know its not the first time,
but wad can i say?
quarrel with u again?
and i realli think tt is onli making the matter worst
as u will not contact mi after tt.
ya, i admit on friday nite u ask mi and them not to wait for you.
but u know why i waited till morning?
coze we realli thought tt at least u could meet us to go school
or at least spent a little time with us.
i ps you,
dun promise tt u will meet mi before hand if u are not sure
u could make it.
u r tired these days,
or even weeks.
So am i.
FcUkIn busy about the idiot thing.
haiz.
hope we will not give up this friendship no matter wad.

2004-06-04T01:43:00.000+08:00

fuck FuCk FUCK!!

reali damn fucking irritated now!
god,ps save mi..
haiz..
was confrencing with 527 and tt fuckin person again.
AGAIN!
wad the fuck!
who do u think u r
big fuck arh.
u think u can just scold ppl as u like arh,
ps lor i am not yr scapegoat!
and ps get it damn clear.
i think i was wrong to call u in the confrence.
chee bye
end up u scold mi as u like.
i have told u wad i dun like about u recently,
n i fucking dun bother whethe they had goes into yr mind or not
just dun repeat the fuckin mistake again
or else tt will be the end of our frenship!
wad's e use about saying pai sei after doing all those fucking things!
are u realli jkin?
u yrself know!
and i fuckin dun wan to think about it anymore!
u just fuckin remember wad u did today,
and i make you feel sorry one day.

2004-06-03T18:01:00.000+08:00

DamMMnnN...

had a great day yesterday..
hahaz.
slp throughout the whole morning and afternoon.
great slper isn it?
hahaz..
woke up around evening,
and acc dad to west mall.
AwWwwWww..
he bought an 7200!!
the latest model nokia hp i think.
wadever la,
not my hp anyway.
guess wad?=x
i finally got MY OWN FOSSIL WATCH!
isn it cool?
wahahhaz...
finally!!
but my pocekt money have to be deducted
20 bucks each for every weeks.
for around 6-7 weeks?
bOoOoo..
gotta save up le..
ahahaz..

spent the whole nite toking to my dear 527 members..
hahaz..
it is realli a damn fucking great feeling.
everyone gathered,
and we just tok and tok..
till around 3 to 4 plus in e morning..
just toking cork.=x
but it actually bought all of us closer?
with all those corks and craps la..
hahaz..
and know wad?
we get to know sum Fucking ppl actually do sum damn fucking
lame and fucking irrating thing!
wad the fuck.
he think this is a joke?
tmd.
if u r reading this blog,
i can tell u this is fucking irrating lor.
not i am NOT JKING with u.
wad u did is very so call "xia4 deng3"
can believe u actually..
arggggggg!!!
just watch out,
we wun let u have another chance of doing the same fucking thing again.

2004-06-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

u let me down...

ResUlT was out!!
finally..
hahaz.
but i wasn there for the teacher parent confrence.
bleah ;p
went bball in the morning..
with all my darling c gers.
AwWwW~..
it was so fun!=x
went to meet mum at bp..
bought new pencil case,storybooks,facial stuffs
blah blah blah~
dun feel like mentioning le..

it's very obvious tt our frenship had drifted apart..
but,
do u have the time..
to think about it?
it was so dispointing tt u din turn up today..
coze i thought it is finaly the time for us to sorta "patch back"
bring our friendship back again.
maybe u are realli having all sorts of problems recently,
ya i should understand.
so i did not mention anything,
but i do realli hope u can share with me..
and not, just ignore me for a period of time and then tell me u r sorry, coze u are having problems blah blah..
haiz..
maybe u din realise,
u have hurt me.

din u realise..
we are getting used without each other?
i realli dun wan this to drag on..
although i know u have thousand and millions problems with u..
i treasure you,
and i promise i wun give up our frenship.
hope u feel the same way too..
sorry.

2004-05-31T17:57:00.000+08:00

everything is over..

haiz..
think i did badly for my paper today.
O level leh!!
arggg..
realli din manage my time well,
thought i could have realli enough time.
paper 2 was okie
although i think i got some of my ans wrong..
paper 1 simply suck lor.
fuck.
think i gotta flung for the compo,
din mention the consequenes and i just scrible my conclusion.
-sighz-
anyway,
it's all over.
sorta quarrel with gong yesterday.
lazy and dun wish to bring it up anymore..
it'll still be the same anyway.=x
haiz..
everything is starting to go wrong..
realli got to work muuch harder this hoilday le.
god bless arh..
hope i can realli achieve my A2 target.
haiz..
life's borrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnn.......
ZzZZZZzZZzZzzZzzZz...

2004-05-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

FuCkIn StEsS..

got to ren one more day..
tml will be the CHINESE O LEVEL liao!
omg,
time flies..
can see evryone busy studying.
awWwWW..~
feel so stress..
haiz..
but wad to do, maybe today is the last day in my life that i am going to study chinese..
ahahaz,
anyway just to tell u guys who is reading my blog,
those who are taking o level tml,
dun give up!
today is the last day..
so must study damn hard!!
realli have to put everything away le lar..
haiz..
i gotta try my best for the last time.
think about it,
its realli foolish to give up just becoze of my mid yr.
and i 've got to win sum1.
hahaz..
kkz..
work hard guys!
jia you~!
and all the best in tml exams!;p

2004-05-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

bored....

arggg..
have been stressing myself with the stupid o level again.
wadfore?
-sigh-
love is unfair.
studies is unfair,
wad else?
everything to mi is unfair?
fuck.
i realli dunno wad to say.
when i studied 10 times harder than anyone,
but the result was sux!
worse than anyone.
haiz..
realli hope o levels was different.
i will give my best.
and hope all my effort dun go down to drain arhh...
haiz..
god bless..
today gotta be another lonely night..
haiz..

2004-05-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

LET ME LET GO (Faith Hill)

I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind

In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the times

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul, let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you made your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right, I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul, let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look, everywhere I turn, you're all I see

Let me, let me let go, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right, I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go

2004-05-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

praying hard..

<>
is realli a damn nice song.
and is the song which i mention
tt i fall in lurve in.
so wad are u guys waiting for?
unless u r not interested in sentimential song lar.
heez..

haven study a single word for chinese till now.
wad the hell.
arrgggggg....
went play bball with Ian,mich,tianhui,biscuit,yx,ry.
have fun actually lar.
but..i was sorta extra at first.
lucky amanda join us later.
phew..
everyone is like so xin fu hor?
hmm..gongz was absent frm school today.
nv see her for the whole day le.
kinnda miss her lehz?
hahaz..
think everyone miss her too.
fu just came my hse.
he was alright le, i guess.

dear god,
i have been super good.
haiz.
but why?
why am i suffering again and again..
look..
i am such an useless bitch.
complaining again.
wad e use anyway.
ai yar.
gotta continue with my chinese before i got crazy again.
nitez guys!;p

2004-05-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

04 Wang Le Ai
Jie dao Wo pai huai Deng Liang qi lai
Bing len len de wu qi Feng Chui bu san
Kan zhe Ni li kai Xin You dian luan
Gai re nao de shi hou Ni que bu zai

Yi ge ren nen shuo chu zhen me yang de Dui bai
Kong fang jian zhi shen wo de Wu nai
Hua xie le Hua you kai Ni que bu zai hui lai
Jing jing de chi zhe Wang le ai

Deng zhe Ni xing lai Tian you xie an
Zhan zai zhe li Zhi wei le ni hui lai

Yi ge ren nen shuo chu zhen me yang de Dui bai
Kong fang jian zhi shen wo de Wu nai
Hua xie le Hua you kai Ni que bu zai hui lai
Jing jing de chi zhe Wang le ai

2004-05-25T17:36:00.000+08:00

When I fall in love it will be forever..

FUCK.
stupid oral pull my chinese marks down.
onli got 56 even if my listenin score full marks.
-sighz-
my target was A2.
but now feel so ashame to say le.
argggg!!!
wasn in a good mood whole day.
haiz..
i have been working soooo hard,
and this is wad i get in returrrnnnn...
OhHHhH godDddZ, PLEASE SAVE MI!!
is it my fault that i study in the wrong way?
or i am just down in my luck?
i guess i was over confident in this sub le.
haiz.
realli feel like giving up..
everyone in class was like so satifised,
DAMN IT!
was fucking angry when i know my oral score.
i knew i wasnt tt bad.
maybe i was realli down in my luck,
to met such a fuckin teacher!
!@#@$#%$%$%^$
i realli felt so disappointed in myself.
i thought i can do well.
well,
at least B3.
and now???
wtf!

2004-05-23T23:39:00.000+08:00

still waiting....

spent a great day yesterday.
went k box and sing my lungs out.
bought a top and a slipper.
argg,spent quite a lot.
went west coast with gong,ruth,and karis.
saw the waves,the stars..
all my favourite.
i simply love the beach.
too bad, the waves wasn high tide then.
-sigh-
how well if i could live by the beach,
having to hear the waves to slp..
to have the stars accompany every nite..
then maybe i wun be so lonely.
haiz.
all craps la.
this wish wouldn come true for sure.
i just got too engross in those vcds.
actually i did wish tt i were living near beaches,
maybe tt was a more realistic wish ba.

anyway, tml starting school le.
no mood.
haiz..
life still goes on anyway..
i'll wait patiently for you to appear..
glod bless.

2004-05-22T02:11:00.000+08:00

.....

just finish watch the first 5 dise.
btw,the show is "xue tian shi"
which means snow angel..
was like..
feelin so emotional after watching.
haiz..
i was like tt all the while?
maybe ba.
i wonder why in shows,
they like to look at each other eyes.
does eyes realli show one emotion?
-sigh-
shows are shows..
its a kind of..imaginary land or dream for me..
there isn great love like wad the shows always end with.
i think i fall in lurve with the song..
na,i think is the music instead.
i always fall in lurve with such music..
very native right?
i admit i am.
coze i like to imagine or dream tt one day he will appear.
have the urge to cry suddenly.
sumtimes,
i really hate myself.
was sorta fake in front of everybody.
haiz..
i am alone.
dun always say i got gekting,
i got bball gers..
ya i have lots of frens,
pherhaps many close friends.
but..
i feel left out too.
wad i need..
is sumone..
sumone who can dotes on me,
sumone who can protect me,
sumone who can hold me when i am cold,
sumone to accompany when i am alone,
when i am lonely..
i feel so lonely each time i cry.
coze there is no one to comfort,
there is no one for me to hold on,
no one for me to lean on,
i am alone..
wad i can do is cry,
coze i hope my tears will wash away everything.

dear god,
if there is realli a way out,
please lead me.
i dun wanna be in this lonely world anymore.
i need "sumone".
trust me,
i really do.
each time ppl tell me to wait,
i feel more hurt..
i'll promise u anything,
anything that can stop my pain now and forever..
i wanna have sumone by my side whom i can share my feelings with.
and i promise i'll lurve him with all my heart.
-Amen-

2004-05-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

I'll love you in the best way that I can..

Friday night again.
arggg!!
i hate friday..

went gym after my last paper.
chem was still okie.'
but phyics think cannot make it le.
hahaz.
gym was fun.
gossiping as usual.
din manage to go play bball afterall.
gong went town.
everybody went out.
haiz..
i'm always alone.

who cares anyway?
hahaz..
i can onli listen to myself every friday night,
doing stupid things to entertain myself.
sumtimes i realli wonder,
why is it so dificult to find someone who love you.
haiz..
everyone around me are getting attach,
while i am still stuck with..
er..
forget about it.
haiz..
youth cup cuming,
FINALLY!!!
can see lots and lots of matches!!
hmm..hope mum will allow mi to go ba.
actually quite far la,
think around hou gang there.
well,
wadever.
going continue watching my vcd and do things to entertain myself.
nitez humans~!

2004-05-20T22:52:00.000+08:00

i'm still alone..

everything is fine.
finally.
ahahaz.
we are still as close like last time.
-phew-
tml is the last paper.
finally!
but think still got a lot to catch up,
hmmm..
wadever.
just enjoy these few days then say;p
kekez..
finally took sum photos
and got updated.
wahahaha..
look not realli nice la.
but just bear with it lo.
hahaz.

just hang up with gong.
haiz.
we tok a lot just now.
but..
haiz..
dun feel like mentioning it again.
it's all my fate afterall.
i'll have to continue waiting patiently..
hopes everything goes well.

2004-05-15T20:33:00.000+08:00

o a fren whom u know u have hurt me,
remember i always tell u
i will always be understanding,
be a fren who will nv be angry with you.
i am sorrie tt i break my promise.
truthfully,
i am totally disappointed in you today.
not because u r late again and again.
or u cant accompany at times.
u should know it very well.
i have bought it up a few days ago tt
the "thing" u did this morning hurt mi so much.
it's just being unfair.
Very unfair.
i just dun wish to quarrel with u
coze i know u have yr own problems.
frens should be there for you,
not there to make u sad or stress.
tt's often wad i think.
but have u ever thought tt u have made me
sad and disappointed at times?
i dun wan to show out
not becoze i am understanding at all times.
coze i knew,
it would make any difference anyway.
ya maybe chuting was rite.
dun say "sorry" when u cannot promise
tt the same thing would happen again.
maybe ppl will get tired of it.
maybe i just get tired without knowing.

wad i wanna say is i treasure you.
but i din thought things would turn out this way.
maybe i wasn somebody tt u would mind so much.
but dun forget i am also a human.

2004-05-14T20:49:00.000+08:00

Under the silver stars,
Anywhere you are.
Near or far, you are close to me.
When you don't understand
And when you think nobody can..
I'll be the friend and the hope you need,
always..
I promise.

went gym this afternoon...
slack at home till now..
not even 9pm yet.
haiz..
dun feel like a bit studying
when everyone is outside enjoying themselves!
-sigh-
i am always alone
which no one realise.
u may say i am demanding
or wadever la.
haiz..
all i do these days is study study and study!
but wad do i get when the paper cum?
F U C K
its like all my effort were gone down to drain.
frens,
i also dun like to stress myself up.
i am not happy either.
but i got to do tt to force myself to study.
i am stupid.
haiz..

dun feel like toking now.
To anyone.
Maybe this is MOODSWING.
But i just have to get on with my life isn it?
maybe i din voice out everytime.
but tt doesn mean i have forgotten..
everyone thought i was happy,
maybe i was..
all these while.
sumtimes,
i asked myself.
whethe i would prefer life like now;
studying!studying!studing
or
stressing!stressing!stressing!
or maybe i could turn back the time.
its just too late.
everything is too late.
our frenship was so different.
we dun quarrel anymore.
we dun fight anymore.
we dun teaste each other anymore.
but deep in my heart
where no one knows...
i still treasure him.

In you, i have found the place i belong forever..

2004-05-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

Right beside you is where I'll stay...

yoz!
today's paper sux man!
studied the previous nite like siao.
but forget to study the SI unit.
-sighz-
hope i can pass well.
god bless arh.
social studies was fine la.
except for the source based question.
fuck.
english too lousy.
din understand wad the fucking passage is toking!!
hahaz.
anyway,
its over.

maths paper tml.
just finish my tution.
was revising the old chapters again.
AGAIN.
every lesson was like tt.
repeating the same chapter over and over again.
ARRRRGGG!!!
sumtimes realli feel i am a fool in maths.
haiz.
wadever la
just hope i can win her,
in every way.

sumthing big happen today.
but din realli want to comment anymore.
its all over.
as long as we know wad we are thinking,
i guess it will be fine.
hope its all a misunderstanding about wad have happen.

2004-05-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

i thought i have forgotton...

weeeex....
have fun today.
well
i have fun everytime i play basketball.=x
hahaz.
finally get to play with daryl and gang.
they came down.
hahaz..
hmm..i was with
mich, tian hui, and gongster.
whaaha.
she finally cut her hair.=x
oh yar
i cut mine too!;p
to..
short la..
din expect so short though.
but nvm la.
let it grow lor.
eh
tml english exam.
haiz.
sure flung one.
so dun think i studying liao.
hahaz.
okok.
i think i stop here.
have a lot of stuffs to do la.
cya.
;p

2004-04-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

-regret-
shouted at mum and dad.
sighz.
too stress.
and they were just nagging and nagging.
they thought as if they were the onli ppl busy and stress.
haiz.
then wad am i?
cum to think of it nw..
cannot blame them lar.
coze they hardly see me doing work and stressing myself at night..
hahaz.
keep accusing me of playing around and not taking my work seriously.
kaoz..
forget about it.
they are my parents afterall.
no matter wad
i'll still love them.

michie,gong and ct got suspention this morning.
poor gers,
have to finish a 5000 words essay by today.
cuming back to class?
na..
haven to finish all the works they did not do when they are absent.
wad a lame punishment.
stupid nathan and stupid teachers
equals to kuku school.
wahahaha..
jia you wor.. my dear frens.

it seems like we have drift apart since tt day.
u should know better than i.
i couldn make myself to ignore u totally.
i'm not used without you.
am i also becum too dependant on you?
-sigh-
u've change..
i dun hope our friendship will give you any more stress.

2004-04-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

feeling nthing but stress...

wadehell!
got dentention by vjay again.
fuck.
tml frm 3-6
-sigh-
why cant he be more reasonable?
why are all the teachers the same?
aiyar..
all bias jerk!
stress stress and stress!!!
chew postpone our dnt dateline to monday.
phew`
guess everyone wasn ready anyway.

have been neglecting my other subjects
since the dateline had been set.
haiz..
wadever lar.
nv went foodcourt with the gers after school.
dunno why.
feel so stress at tt moment.
so thought of not spoilting their mood.
lame jess and "french fries"came acc me.
lolz.
french fries= steffy.
nice name for her rite?
coze her new "BF" is hamburger.
wahaha.
jking jking.
hope she can take all these jokes.
but realli thanks to them lar.
arbo i realli have dunno how mani strands of white hair liao.
have been getting alone well with bball gers these days.
*grin*
thanks man!
they really make me laugh more.
ppl in msn keep asking who is the yishun guy.
so KPO right?
btw,
this sat is labour day!
wahz..
tt means..
i'll not be able to see zj trainning?
-sigh-
wad the fuckin labour day tt spoilt my day!
will not be able to see him for 2 weeks.
how am i going to survive?
wahaha..
guess not so bad la.
i'm just overeacting?
hope so?
hahaz.

-= Hope everything go well between both of us..i'll be waiting..=-

2004-04-26T00:23:00.000+08:00

I Want To Be With You

I sit here in the night
Staring into the heavens above.
Wondering if Im lucky enough
To be given your love.

Even though I met you
Just a few days before.
I have learned so much of who you are
And thirst to learn even more.

I want to share my world with you,
All the smiles and all the tears.
I want to learn to trust again;
Something I havent done in years.

You are very special to me,
You have kindled something new.
I want to feel loved in my life,
I want to be with you.

2004-04-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

=============
dear god,
there is this guy..
who came into my life recently.
-sigh-
i dunno whethe its a good or bad news.
but for one thing i know,
i got the feeling.
he's "special".
not in appearance or character..
is the feeling i have towards him.
at the first sight i saw him,
i thought i onli amire him.
his bball skills i mean.
till the second and third time,
which is recently.
well,
i guess he had came into my life.
should i feel happier?...
i think i am more confused.
haiz..
sumtimes, feeling are hard to discribe.
its the first time i am so unsure of my own feelings towards a guy.
i'm afraid i've fallen for him.
i hope i can be crazy like the past few days
forever..
i hope i can stop thinking of all these..
i hope..
i can see him once again..
================

2004-04-24T22:22:00.000+08:00

kind of crazy today lar.
haha.
whole afternoon with the gers in school.
did some d and t stuff.
and waited for yishun no 12 to cum.
lol.
they having their trainning every sat at 3pm.
ahahz..
guess all my dear gers got to suffer with me every sat le.
it was real fun today.
gong was still so stress.
-sigh-
but wad can we do?
she is forever like tt de lar..
hope things will turn out well for her?
mmm..
played a few matches with the c gers.
god,
it was like shit man!
our skills and stamia drop like hell!!
wadefuck.
wadever lar
at least we have fun.
dunno why i feel so happy when i see him.
i mean zhen jie(yishun no 12)
he is one yr younger than me.
frankly speaking
i alreadly noticed him when i first saw him at clementi sports hall.
hahaz..
i was so crazy over him.
it was like..
so childish..=x
he's cute.
muchroom head.
tall.
skinny.
innocent look.
lolz.
okok.
i guess it's enough.
hahaz.
i'll go crazy if i continue like this..
someone please help me!!!
wahaha~
actually i realli hope i can be crazy like this everyday..
at least..
it can save me frm the lonely world.

2004-04-23T18:07:00.000+08:00

Yishun rulesz!!!Hurray!!

well.
realli happi today.
went jurong complex to watch Yishun match.
wahaha.
they got into the national.
unbelieveable rite?
ohmygod!!
zhen jie was there.
hehez.
too bad this yr he din get no7.
he got no 12.
-sigh-
he realli did an excellant job.
ahaha.
look so cute sia.
sorta have a nice feeling towards him
hehez.
but realli amire his skills.
it was realli a tough match.
guess everyone tried their best.
though they din get champion,
they are still the best in my heart.
lol.

Finally saw jiao lian.
wooo..
miss him shooo much.
he look quite happy lar..
even though they lose?
hahaz..
cant believe they improve sooo much.
jiao lian treat us after the match
with mr foo as well.
*grin*
realli lurve jiao lian a lot.
dunno why have the feeling when i saw him.
heez.
anyway,
all the best to him ba!
Yishun rocksz!!
kkz.
i going prepare le.
later going town.
bye~

2004-04-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

alright.
have not been blogging since dunno when.
realli very stress out these few days.
busy with dunno wad stuff.
everything is fine for gongz and michelle.
-phew-
but they gotta detent till 6pm everyday.
lol.
change our seats in class.
i was change to the first row.
seated with michie and sohpia.
michelle xinyue and ruth was behind us.
hahaz..
can u believe it?
3 siao char boh lehz.
always toking non stop.
heh.
start studying now le.
argg!
suddenly remind me of my chinese test.
fuck.
got 57.5!
wad a damn lousy fucking score!!
i studied so hard for it.
haiz.
this show how the world is unfair.
nvm.
cool down.
still got a long way to go.
guess i got to stop here.
got to continue with my d and t ..
wadefuck.
stressssssssssss`-

2004-04-19T00:33:00.000+08:00

download some oldies.
quite nice la.
the lyrics very meaningful.
haiz.
no tution today.
karen was sick.
hope she get well soon ;p
morning went play bball with steffy they all.
stupid gong and steff was late.
well.
we have fun anyway.
eat mac after tt.
went home.
slp the whole afternoon away.

ruyi,mich and gong came my hse
around 8pm i think.
gong bought a small cake for me.
heez.
thanks.
realli lurve it.
realli very touched when first ate it
maybe coze its the first time someone bought for me?
lolz.
yar
have been stressing up these few days.
reason?
doubt me.
just finish studying my chem test tml.
-yawnz-
still have more to go.
btw
anyway
still couldn find the song.
dunno the title also.
nvm
i'll watch the replay next week.
okok.
sumone disturbing me on phone.
i think i need a break anyway.
-sighz-

2004-04-18T01:35:00.000+08:00

CRYING IN THE RAIN (A-ha)

I’ll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting in me
I’ve got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

If I wait for stormy skies
You won’t know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You’ll never know that I still love you so
Only heart is remain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never take away my misery
Since we’re not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you’ll never see

Someday when my crying is done
I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool but till then, darling, you never see me complain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

Since we’re not together
I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you’ll never see
Someday when my crying is done
I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool but till then, darling, you never see me complain
I’ll do my crying in the rain
I’ll do my crying in the rain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

2004-04-18T01:30:00.000+08:00

EVERYTHING I DO, I DO IT FOR YOU (Bryan Adams)

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

2004-04-18T00:48:00.000+08:00

just finish my chinese compo.
took for amost an hour!
wad the fuck.
chinese test on monday!
argg!
just get to know anyway.
chinese oral today.
sux man!
i was the last student.
read comic and slp.
the question was damn difficult.
maybe i was too nervous ba.
fuckin teacher nv give me much chance to tok anyway.
well.
wadever.

went stadium with dad and bro as usual.
karis came my home to study before tt.
hahaz.
but we end up slping
like pigs.=x
studied a while before she went to meet her dear.
-sighz-
friends around me realli give mi lota pressure.
ytd he sms me.
nthing much.
aiyar
expected also.
ask me about the dise he asked me to burn.
haiz..
he still take me for granted.
i'm too tired to think about it le.
feeling so fucked up these few days.
sorry friends.
have to bear with me.
gong and me gettin worst le.
esp after her haircut.
dunno wad's going on.
her life is more in a mess.
try to understand her.
-signz-
dun worries,
u always have me.
nitez humans!;p

2004-04-16T18:08:00.000+08:00

so mani things happen these few days.
stress arh..
dun worry gekting and michie,
everything will be fine.
we will always be there.;p
i also dunno where to start.
haiz..
just hope everything turn out fine ba.
god bless.
later going town with ruyi and michelle first.
left with onli 5 bucks i guess.
wanna buy comic.
but BROKE liao!!!
-sighz-
ytd just got 20 bucks frm mum.
arggg!!!
forget about it!
hp spoilt!
fuck.
cannot receive sms.
later maybe going upgrade le.
need $$$$ also!
shit arh.
hahaz..
very worry about michie and gong.
waited for them in school just now.
haiz..
wonder how are them alreadly.
hope that they are realli alright.
god bless.

2004-04-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

went home after school.
broke.
din bring a single cent to school.
mum toast bread for us.
take a nap till 6 plus.
hahaz..
too tired le.
gongz and michie absent from school again.
stress arh.
o level cuming le.
this sat is mid yr chinese oral.
fast rite?
just finish watching the 9pm channel 8 show.
going do my english homework soon.
argg..
stress STRESS!!
tml still have d and t.
boring!

i cant be complaining everynight.
when can i be happy?
when can "boring" extinct in my lifE?
haiz..
life always continue with the word sucks in my dictionary,
everyday was a rehersal.
-sighz-
i am realli tired of living in such a BORING BORING AND BORING WORLD!!

---tears willl dry up sooner or later...god bless.---

2004-04-13T20:18:00.000+08:00

er..
din have the time to blog ytd.
too busy.
with d and t stuffs.
housework..
blah blah blahz..
nthing much happen today.
went to eat mac after school.
gongz went to work.
oh..
did i mention tt she cut her curtain hair?=X
haha
she look better.
she cut short.
short as in cannot tie.
lolz.
cannot believe right? ;p
but she look more stress than ever la.
hahaz..
ppl were just teasting her around in school.
oh btw,
michie is back in school le!
kinnda miss her.
hahaz.
she got suspended anyway.
u got to wake up le,
my dear michie!
hahaz..
oh ya,
the most interesting thing happen today is
that chuting quarrel with the fucking FAN!!!
she's so cool!
joined michie and my F.F.C .
FUCKING.FAN.CLUB.
wad a lame club.
but i simply love it!
i becum the president.
michie the directer.
chuting..
general manger?
hahaz..
e club is open only for anti fan.
okok.
all craps la.
i gotta start my homework le.
blog later if i free ba!
;p

2004-04-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

//confused....//

we met up.
went play bball at limbang.
alina,jing,gongz,claudia,fu and him was there.
din expect he to cum also.
anyway,
we behave as usual.
in fact,
i was more normal than normal.
-sighz-
we just play and play and play.
coze this is basketball.
hahaz.
gongz went home early.
kinda shock.
haiz.
does the problem lies with me?
did i make her angry or feel left out?
well,
if i did.
i 'm sorry.
u told me you are tired.
i trusted you.
i just cant make myself to be angry with you.
i dunno why.

basketball and him were once my life.
it's like..
the feeling isn there anymore..
both for him and basketball.
well..
maybe just a little.
when he look into my eyes and smile,
everything seem so complete..
is that love?
i hope it is not this time.
i dun wish to fall for him all over again.
nope!
definately N.O!!
i cant be..
arggg!!
wadever it is la..
i just know to know how to love myself!! =X
nitez humans!
thanks for reading my blog.
i LoVe U aLl !!!!
*MuAcK*

" dear god,i am always there for ppl when they are sad.But will anyone be there for me?"

2004-04-11T13:32:00.000+08:00

//I love you like no one ever did
I love you like no one ever will..//

sumtimes,
i hope u were my tear..
so that i wun cry so easily..
as i am too afriad to lose you..
-sighz-
why do humans cry.
do they need to reason to do tt?
or is it their emotion are making a fool of them.
i hate tears,
esp when i drop them without knowing.
without reasons.
maybe there is,
i dunno.

+ Why am i afriad to lose you when u r not even mine +

2004-04-10T23:16:00.000+08:00

// Deeply hurt..//

alright.
Everything was fine today.
went K box in the morning.
wif chen, jing, amanda, fu and karis.
it was kinnda fun?lolz. ;p
Shun back out las min.
make mi so angry!
tmd!!
head for town after tt.
bought the Rip Curl bag.
finally.
lol.
lucky it was still there.=X
Btw,
also bought a new bra today!
okok.
i know it was like,
no surprise?
hahaz..
for a horny gal like me rite?
bleah ;p
end up with only 6 bucks in town.
but i bought it with no regrets.
heez.
reach home around 6.
got into dad's sports car after changing.
went down to studium for joggin as usual.
air was extra refreshing after the rain.
na..
no rainbow.
too bad.

was wondering in the car..
on my way home..
if "he" mind jogging with mi and my dad
in the future.
i really hope"he" is the kind who can mix well
with everyone in my family.
seriously.
stupid rite?
i even plan to let dad have a better impression on 'him'
when i dun even know who is "him".
-sigh-
guess i just think too much.
ya i did.
planning for a relationship tt had yet started.
wad the hell i am doing..!!
haiz..
dear god,
i am not asking for a perfect relationship
after i have done so much.
i know's hard, god.
i know by parying doesn help in anyways.
i am just hoping my effort would somehow helps in the future.
my future with "him",
of coze.
i'm sorry.
i just cant help thinking,
thinking how perfect we would be.
-sighz-

--> I only hope you could love me for who i am <---

2004-04-10T00:09:00.000+08:00

You Made Me Cry

You made me cry
You tore me apart
You left me in tears
You shattered my heart

It wasn't your fault
I guess it was me
For love can't be forced
Perhaps we weren't meant to be

It still doesn't help
Now that I know
Because for some reason
My heart won't let go

I've tried more than once
To get over you
But you make it so hard
With cute things that you do

I thought love was joy
But I've got nothing to gain
Just sorrow, tears
And a little more pain

The day the pain started
Reality came too
It was the day that I realized
I'll never be with you

2004-04-09T23:37:00.000+08:00

u'll nv know...how much i love you once..=X

good friday?
so wad.
slacking at home whole day.
went royal hotel for lunch.
tt's all.
argg!!
wad's the problem with me?
i cant always depend on others.
-sigh-
went lot one with jing.
going repair hp tmr?
bought a mini cake to keep myself happy.
went home.

tonight was the same.
sumtimes,
i hope i wasn't myself.
i hope i were sumone else.
or sumthing else.
i am blessed with a lot of things.
family..friends..blah blah..
but there always seem to be something lackin.
love.
it's always love i've been seeking.
or maybe it's confident.
haiz..
everyone have their problems.
guess i shouldn be here complaining about these every night.
i'll believe in fate.
tt's all.
nitez humans! =x

+Now i lay in my bed and cry, hoping that someday my tears will dry+

2004-04-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

.://Promises aRe meaNt to be broKen// :.

lesson was kinda boring today.
went straight home after the sexuailty talk in school.
it din turn out as wad i thought to be.
well,
sorta like a BGR session?
some kind of boring eh.
cant believe i'll fall alsleep.
haaz..

was like,feeling depression for a few days already.
mostly at home.
once i think of math, d&t bla bla..
no wonder ppl say maths make them mad!
oh god,when am i going to leave this bloody school...

feel so quiet suddenly.
my brother and i was the onli living thing at home
at least for tonight.
no laughter from ruyi and gong,
guess i was juz nt used to it.
dun like the feeling somehow.
so lonely.
-sigh-
juz hang up with karis
guess she was the onli fren whom i dun have to worry about our friendship.
even if we are so far away
out friendship remains.
at least i wun worry tt things might turn out to be awkward
if we nv contact for a few days.=X
frienships becomes more and more important in my life.
so does my family.
-yawnz-

trying to stay awake.
24 hours a day dun seem enough sumtimes.
time files,
and god knows wad happen the next moment.
i'll try to be good in everyway,
i'm willing to learn anything
i'm willing to give all my love.
"when will he appear and stop all my suffering.."
i need someone.
i realli do.
i need somebody which i can lean on.
the rain may fall
and i might too.
i need someone to catch me when i do,
i need someone to be my shoulder to cry on
someone i can rely on.

--- i promise i'll be good if "you" really appear ---
--hopefully not in dreams again.--

2004-04-08T00:32:00.000+08:00

It is by chance we met, by choice we became friends... Friendship is a strange thing....we find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives...things we don't even share with our families who raised us...But what is a friend? A confidant? A lover? A fellow email junkie? A shoulder to cry on? an ear to listen? a heart to feel?... A friend is all these things...and more. No matter where we met, .... I call you friend. A word so small...yet so large in feeling...a word filled with emotion.

It is true great things come in small packages. Once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed... it is a constant book always written...waiting to be read... and enjoyed. We may have our disagreements...we may argue... we may concern one another...friendship is a unique bond that lasts through it all....

A part of me is put into my friends...some it is my humor... some it is my listening ear... some it is real life experiences... some it is my romanticism...but with all, it is friendship.

Friendships forged are a construct stronger than steel built as a foundation....necessary for life... and necessary for love. Friends...you and me... you brought another friend.. and then there were 3... we started our group... Our circle of friends... and like that circle... there is no beginning or end...

2004-04-07T22:52:00.000+08:00

: MiChelLe :

Honestly,
i am quite annoyed when i first read yr blog,
and i think there is something u should understand.

yar
everyone have their own life
and may be busy with their own thing and problems.
but that doesn mean we couldn share.
i had always thought u'll feel better after u talk about yr problem to me recently,
i thought u trusted me.
and i truthfully hope thing between you and her will turn out well.
i admit i was jealous
jealous of u and her friendship,
although u were always complaining how bad it was.
u wun know how many ppl around were jealous.
u always feel that friends being with you coze of obligation,
but we are not!!
at least i am not one of them.
i dunno wad makes u think so.
its so hurting when i saw tt.
sumtimes,dun use yr own feelings to judge everything.
i may not be yr true or close friend.
but i will be glad if you could share yr problems with mi once in a while.

gekting is a good fren
which everyone will fight for,
like wad u have said.
it isnt surprising at all.
i guess we are juz too dependant on her
both ruyi, chuting and me.
its both a good and bad thing.
maybe the past have make u hurt compare to u and her friendship now
i understand.
i really do.
dun have to be jealous of others
nobody is perfect
i once jealous of you
but i told myself,
u will also have yr own problems.
if you can choose again,
would you choose yr life now? or michelle's life?
u have the right to be jealous,
i dun mean u dun.
be "Zhi zU" in chinese.
treasure wadever you have.
i know you dun need me to nag at all these.
coze u r always a mature gal to me.

maybe i have make you misunderstand in anyway
that i feel that gekting dun treasure me.
but deep inside,
i know she does.
i always appreciate it.
i lurve her like i lurve everyone of you.
you may feel i am lucky
but dun forget which kind of life i wanted.
i always put love in front of everything.
then followed by friends.
i've nv found the love i have been seekin all the while,
tt's is not a lucky thing.
i will only feel lucky and happy when i found "him".
even if i've got the whole world money,
i wun be happy.

one more thing,
i admit i was close with her.
but that doesn mean she treasure me most.
guess she feel that too.
u may be sick and tired to hear about all these again,
but i still got to say.
she treasure you more than anyone else.

hope u are not offended after reading.
i know you may feel i dun have the rights to say all these,
juz hope u will think about wad i say.
i admire yr courage
"believe in myself "
which i can nv do tt in my life.
*BeSt WiShEs*

2004-04-07T17:35:00.000+08:00

**IT COMES DOWN TO THIS**

What can I say
I've lost you again
you made your decision
and put "us" to an end

What I didn"t expect
had come so fast
I guess we were different
cause I thought it would last

What made me happy
was to see you smile
and now that you're gone
it will take me a while

Though you're not mine
I still strive to see your face
God it's hard to believe
it seems so out of place

I thought that I knew you
I thought you were right
But you changed my opinion
in one single night

To say I'm not sad
well it's all a big lie
'cuz when you see me happy
I'm really wanting to cry

I'm sure that you're glad
now that you're free
no more holding you back
just 'cuz of me

You just wanna be friends
I guess that'll have to do
but please never forget
I will always love you

2004-04-07T16:48:00.000+08:00

Wadthehell!!
fUck.
today quarrel with mr fan again!
he's such a bloody arsehole
had the ugliest bread face!!
arrgg.
always like to pick on mi
wadthefuCk..
wad's e problem with him man??
its like hell havin his lesson
well
at least vjayis getting better with me.=x
hahaz
okok
wadever it is.
juz feel like complainin
cant stand it
hahaz..
later going town
hope to find things i wanna buy?
er..
blog later ba..
cya!! ;p

2004-04-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

juz send claudia home
then gongz to the bus-stop
it has been time since i send her le..=X
lolz..
no mood to continue my maths
was thinkin bout wad mich and mi discuss today
i have nv realli go through a real realtionship before?
well.. i dunno..
haiz..
dunno wad's e problem with me..
aren i happy with my life now?
with all my frens for there when i need them..
with family love..
with no stress for realtionship or for him..
with motivation to study for o's
haiz..
WAD IS THE PROBELM WITH MI!!!
argg..
will i able to maintain like now if "he" appear?
will i lose or neglect all my frens like last time?
will i lost my family trust again..?
will i be on a risk of suffering again..?
and most of all..
will i able to concentrade on studies..
haiz..
i know even if i gave a thousand bad points now,
i would still longed for one
to lurve and dotes on me..

i hate opening my eyes each morning..
cuz i knew
nthing good is goin to happen
i am still alone..
sumtimes the loneiness couldn be descirbe
it was like wad i often say
there's onli mi left in the whole world..
yes
its untrue..
i have lots of friends..
the feeling was totally
different,
my heart..
was beating so slow every morning..
haiz..

okok.
stop all the bullshit.
gtg to do hsework
and homework..
nitez everyone~!
life still have to go on.
mUaCkx!!

2004-04-06T16:46:00.000+08:00

arrrggg..boring day!!
whole day was like
so sianz..
michie and claudia nv went school
gong also nv tok to mi much
so stress up!!
d and t sux!
i hate it
got 3/20 for my maths
gosh..studied so hard
still fail..
(sorrie karen..i tried my best)
went gym after school
took a bath there..
hahaz..
love the feelin..
relaxing man!
too bad have no one accompany..
gotta have my dinner soon..
got time den blog later ba..
cya humans!

Luving you make mi blind..but i wish i could be blind forever..

2004-04-06T12:32:00.000+08:00

[Chorus:]
I pick all my skirts to be a little sexy
Just like all my thoughts they always get a bit naughty
When I'm out with my girls I always play a bit bitchy
Can't change the way I am sexy naughty bitchy me

I'm the kind of girl that girl's don't like
I'm the kind that boys fanstasize
I'm the kind that your momma and daddy were afraid you'd turn out to be like
I may seem approachable but that's only to the boys who don't have the
Right apprach or ride that makes a girl like me wanna hop in and roll
People think it's intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality
I'm a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent

[Repeat Chorus]

My mouth never takes a holiday
I always shock with the things I say
I was always the kid in school who turned up to each class
'bout an hour late and when it comes to the guys I'd lay
I'd always pick the ones who won't figure out that I was clearly rebel to the idea of monogramy
People think it's intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality
I'm a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent

[Repeat Chorus]

Sexy... Naughty... Bitchy... Me

People think it's intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality
I'm a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent

[Repeat Chorus]
I like all my shorts to be a little too shorty
Unlike all my guys I like them tall with money
I love all of my nights to end a little bit nasty
Can't change the way I am sexy naughty bitchy me

I pick my skirts to be sexy
Just like my thoughts a bit naughty
When I'm out with my girls.. bitchy
Can't change, I am
Sexy naughty bitchy me

2004-04-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

hey~!hahaz..
first time blogging.
hmm,everything was as usual..
dun feel like going school
dun feel like opening my eyes
dun feel like facing the world..
arrgg..life sux!!
went school
was drizzling..
haiz..
had the feeling again..
lesson was like forever..
hahaz..finally PE!!
ran 2.4
got position 6
arrgg..should have got 7
u all should know why..
heez..
fuckin mathz test after tt..
studied like siao
well,guess all gone down to drain..
haiz..
went breadtop and bought a cake
guess for who??
its my BROTHER!!
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"
couldn find a present..
sorrie ah..
gongz came my hse too..
it was like..
as usual?haaz..
er..kkz..first time blog
dun too lor soh
nitez everyone~!